a trip back in time

so I was looking through old stuff I wrote and shared on the internet.
I cant believe I wrote these two poems when I was only 17 years old!! it's an exact copy of how I wrote it. In these particular poems I was influenced by freestyle and poetry jams and by life of course...(these were written at very difficult and depressed state in my life)

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people don't care just because they care.
people don't do things just because they want 2 help.
people give just as much as they can get.
people remember just as much as they 4get.

we're all stuck in places cuz it's not so easy 2 maneuver our way 2 trust.
I've always fallen, so b4 I even try, I'll just give up.
we all fall from high hopes cuz we're dissapointed.
nothing's wrong and nothing's right.
and I'll point my finger at you cuz you're in my sight.
we don't see eye 2 eye cuz you're bigger and better than me.
that's the way it has always is, always has and will always will be.

it would be nice 2 believe in the things that you say.
but its just the same as being betrayed.
I'll just steal cuz I can't conseal the feel 2 be real.
I'll break all of what's been made.
because if I am not selfish then I am fake.

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this morning I woke up, cuz I couldn't get up in the morning 2 face the starting of a new day thats the same as all the rest, and coming from an old night as old as my soul that has grown minute by minute rather than a new age each year, I've lost count of the tracks each time I'd give up everything just 2 see any movement of improvement, 2 where I deprive my life coming so close 2 where it can't be revived, giving my all 2 where I'm worn out of walking in2 the mess I was left 2 clean up,just when I'd think it would be a place of peace but only 2 be pieces still unravelling underneath the unsightly surface w/ each breath Itake coming closer 2 a normal day in my world..
this world- this life is so confusing and I get shit on 4 being confused, excuse me 4making it through and coming out grasping on 2 my existence cuz it slips away 2 where my dreams are only oblivious, excuse me 4 still standing when I could fall apart at any given but taken moment thats robbed from me and forced in2 this trap of hostility and negativity,this tension is so alive in the already hard tormenting ways of my life-our lives-, challenges and obstacles, "always levels 2 overcome",always a new step 2 walk up when the world is on your back, cuz if I was 2 allow it 2 fall it would feel like it was my fault 4 letting it all break when I was supposed 2 know cuz I've been through this and been over this many times b4..
and I dont need your benefits of YOUR doubts cuz I know I am not weak, I didn't give up everything just 2give up more, but still we'd all rather think than not believe cuz the truth is only a memory in a pretence universe, make believe in love,happiness and peace and guilt because they are so hard 2 let go, when 4once will they be real? when will be the moment that grants me of overcoming my patience? cuz I fell and got back up so many times tracing back 2 when I was little and falling and left w/ a scar from my hopes that will remind me that I've been affected me in every possible way because that is my only weakness, the cause from the affect of this infection that made me realize w/ all this I am somebody who strives 2be someone cuz I will not let you fall, and I still wonder will these words from truth will ever be enough-???


..Angelxists publishing